Basically thats it in a nutshell! We are all growing up and changing over here in Crazytown. Vi and I are now at opposite ends of the spectrum (IYKYK) and while some might not think that this is the best time to stop the anxiety meds, I think it is. And today I sobbed in the car over a beautiful song for the first time in literally years.
I started taking the meds about 4 years ago. At first I was amazed! I could watch the girls recitals, the slide shows at church, listen to songs, look at beautiful art....all with out becoming a tearful blubbering mess. I ENJOYED being a little more stable. I didn't freak out. I was just like 'meh'. And that was good. That was the point I guess. It also was probably a blessing during the total lockdowns and the start of homeschooling. But I'm over it. I need to FEEL things again and I really don't care if I cry over the beauty and the hard stuff. Feelings are good. I missed them.
I'm watching my older girl and her peers and friends, the kiddos just a little older than her too, start navigating these hormones and giant feelings and I want to be there with her to feel them too. I want to help her with my lived experience to work through them and learn and grown and even enjoy them, not mask them with drugs (of any kind!) and turn into a 'meh'.
Life is messy and hard and also so full of beauty and love and joy. I've always been someone who felt EVERYTHING to the extreme and when I was younger and acting - it was a huge asset. When I became a mom...an overwhelmed mom....I needed a break from it. I got the break. And now I want my feelings back!
In other news, we are wrapping up our old songs in a nice neat little album (it takes time but its coming!!) and putting a bow on it. We are working on new material. More grown up. More sophisticated. More rock. Vi is writing too - and she's GOOD and its awesome to hear her stuff. We are starting to colab on songs on a different level now and I'm so excited to see where this goes. Music has always been the best way for me to cope with my feelings and I love how it can inspire, encourage, change lives...and just make you happy!!!
We have started back with our podcasts and we have our friend Emily joining us. There's so much interesting stuff coming from these. Listening to these tween/teen girls talk about whats going on in their lives and heads is fascinating. We hope that you will listen and that the episodes will help you start conversations with your tweens/teens too...and that you adults will enjoy the too. I am committing to writing more posts here too. I always have so many thoughts, its just a challenge to find the time in our days to get to them. But I think its important. Sometimes our podcasts and the blog posts will be on the same topic. Sometimes not. On the homepage of our website it says that we are "seekers of truth". We are. But now we are also going to be truth TELLERS. Theres just way way way too much insanity out there right now and its messing our kids up and our families up and our communities... etc etc etc and I'm tired of it. I preach to our kids that they have to stand up for whats right, do the next right thing and all that, but yet here I sit just letting chaos reign and not saying anything. Thats not okay.
Growing up, changes, and feeling all the feels while shouting truth. Thats what you're going to get now.
Hang on - haha!!!